As much as I want to, my 2014 didn’t start out great. I wanted to let go of the past (I had a really had term in the past few months) but somehow I feel like, despite that short getaway, I still have some bad vibes with me. Not exactly sure why. Maybe it’s just that I really went through a lot. But one of my closest friends was right. Maybe it’s just that I’m letting it take over. But it’s just so hard okay. Lately, I find myself too sensitive about certain things. Like, very little things about the stuff I was so upset about in the past would stress me out instantly. I’m trying not to. But then this “trying not to let it affect me negatively”, as I have observed, just turns into “trying to escape”. I have been quite irresponsible, in a way, lately. I admit it. Instead of doing what I’m supposed to do, I try to escape it by doing other things. And instead of initiating some activities that are needed to be done for school, I just try to relax and wait for those who are really responsible for that task. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Maybe I got “burned out” (term I heard a classmate say about another classmate). I exerted too much effort and suffered and got too stressed out and exhausted in the past, that my mind and body just wanted no more shit again. But then, I can’t really escape that. I badly wanted to rest even for just one term, just one fucking term (and I felt relieved that others feel the same), but I can’t afford it because if I rest for one term, I’ll be delayed for another year and that just can’t happen. (I got delayed because I’m a shiftee from another course and the first major subject of my new course is only offered every first term so I had to wait.) So yeah that’s my problem. If somebody is actually reading this, please pray for me. I honestly don’t know what I am doing with my life right now. I don’t even know what I really want to do after I graduate. Everything seems so complicated.
So yeah, the third term of this school year has just started. Woohoo! (not). And, it’s still a bit chill right now ’cause there are no requirements yet, except for this accounting stuff that I have piled up for our practicum that I haven’t fixed yet wow way to go Thea. And hmm well basically I kinda got inspired by some of the blogs of my friends so maybe I’ll post here daily/weekly/monthly non-fangirl related stuff too – things that will brighten up my day when I read the posts and will remind me of how happy and blessed I am and I shouldn’t be feeling all fucked up at all.
Happy New Year!
Blog Title inspired by the song Brand New Day from Camp Rock 2